Feelings of Loss

This past weekend I lost two people who were close to me. One was a childhood friend who I ran around with for a decade named James. The other is a coworker who I've known for about a decade named Gary. Mama called on Friday to tell me that James had died of a heart attack, and my friend and coworker called me on Saturday to tell me that Gary had died of a heart attack.

James and I became best friends not long after we first met. I was in the seventh grade. He lived just up the road from me, and we got together quite often to do things together. Some things were the mundane that boys do, and others were those that boys do that I won't mention just in case either of our parents ever read this.

He was a year younger than me and a grade behind me in school, but even during my first year of college we still hung out together. Then, after he graduated, he joined the Air Force. It's at that point that our commonality diverged. By the time he'd served and returned home I'd moved away from home. Our interests no longer overlapped as much as they did, and we didn't have anything to talk about. We grew apart.

Gary and I both started at around the same time with the company I currently work for. I was a drafter and he was a product designer. When I showed interest in becoming a product designer he instructed me in the programs and eventually my title changed. During that time some shuffling of management occured and Gary became a manager. More important to this story he became my manager.

Unfortunately, at the same time the company wasn't going in a direction that coincided with the direction I wanted to go. I got a job offer from another company and ended up taking it. Gary wanted me to stay but the offer was too good for me to pass up.

Eventually, I realized that what I'd been told by my new employer and what was actually occuring weren't coinciding. It was at that point that I was contacted by Gary about coming back. After a little back and forth I was rehired by my present company.

This time things were different. Gary and others had set up a plan and were sticking to it. It would give the designers and others a chance to grow and be challenged. It was exactly what I was looking for.

Even better was Gary's role. He was arguably the best boss a person could ask for. He stood behind you when he thought you were right, and stood beside you if you made a mistake. He was understanding and supportive while Princess and I were going through IVF, and was willing to give me and others a flexible schedule in order to help our personal lives.

Now they're both gone.

All I'll ever have of James are the memories of him and the times we shared. We'll never be able to see if we can find those common interests we once shared that made us so close.

I last talked to Gary on Wednesday before Thanksgiving holiday. He was excited that his son was coming home on leave from the Air Force for the holiday. We wished each other a good Thanksgiving and said we'll see each other Monday. But we didn't. I'll never be seeing him alive again.

Now I'm working through my grief. I missed the funeral of my childhood friend because of timing (I didn't find out it was on Monday until Sunday evening), and tomorrow I'm going to the funeral of a friend and mentor. Perhaps the funeral will bring me closer to closure in both cases.